January 2008
2007 Ends
Here we are, December 28, 2007. I think we say it every year, “how did the year go by so quickly?”
Remember eight years ago, late-December 1999? Not only were we asking how 1999 went by so quickly, we were consumed with fear over 2000. Okay maybe many of us weren’t so afraid, but there was the “doomsday crowd” screaming about how everything would come to a screeching halt once the clock struck January 1, 2000.
Well, life didn’t end; our society didn’t cease. Sure some “computer fixes” needed to be done to ensure transition into the new calendar. But then again, I for one fought the “computer calendar” for years. “Way back” in the 1980s when everyone became computerized, I frequently had problems.
For those who don’t remember the 1980s, computers for the first time were accessible on a desktop as opposed to the computers that were housed in entire rooms. DOS was king (I’m sure in your computer history classes you’ll learn about DOS.) The rooms filled with computer machines were replaced with desktop workstations. Data entry keycards were replaced with typing at a keyboard in front of a monitor. IBM brought the “personal computer” to the masses; the operating system was DOS.
I had a personal issue with DOS. I loved DOS; I learned DOS; my first introduction to computers and my first experience was DOS. Actually, when Windows first began to make its mark, I rejected it. I could type commands easier and quicker than I could click. In those early days, Windows was a “user-friendly” mask over DOS. It was still DOS regardless of whether one typed commands at the:”C: prompt” or clicked a funny looking hand-held thing that substituted for actual typing.
MY issue with DOS was that it didn’t recognize February 29 before 1980. My birth date is February 29, before 1980, so when I’d go to a pharmacy to get a prescription, the pharmacist would have trouble identifying me and connecting me with my insurance records on the computer. Every time the pharmacist would have to call the insurance company to verify what date of birth they’d used since my actual date of birth was not recognized by the operating system. Sometimes February 28 was used; other times it was March 1. I was asked often during the 1980s to change my birth date.
Well, as much as we DOS-trained people may have done everything we could to reject Windows; there wasn’t much we could do. Windows took over and, in hindsight, for the better, in spite of our initial rejection. At least my birth date of February 29 ceased being an issue as far as computers went.
The doomsday crowd will always be there at the end of every year, actually all the time but louder toward the end of one year leading into another. They will always prophesize about the end of the world, the end of society. Aside from interpretation, none of these prophecies have come to pass; the world has not ended, society has not ceased to exist. We may say now that we speak the truth and facts; but all through time the belief of truth has been spoken, as they see it and want it to be believed.
Let’s welcome the New Year. The world turned out to be round instead of flat contrary to the doomsayers; the universe includes more than just our Earth contrary to doomsayers; weather cannot be accurately predicted contrary to doomsayers; we are really no more than temporary inhabitants of our Earth and she is ever evolving and changing. Certainly a planet created by God, in all its beauty and life-sustaining resources, could never really be doomed by such lowly creations as us.
Our Father promised to not forsake us as long as we honor and love Him. I trust in Him and in my life. We go wrong when we decide we know more or better than God.
Happy New Year to you all and may God guide you and influence your lives. I seek the same for myself.
Joey
Perspective
Welcome January; welcome Winter, now go away!
The cold never used to bother me much; in fact, I much preferred winter to summer. I used to sit on the porch in the middle of February reading before I went to bed and not be bothered by the cold at all. However it seems with each passing year, I tolerate the cold less. “Brrr, cold” has become my mantra; my nipples could cut glass and I don’t think I’ll see my “boys” again until May.
One of my sisters laughs at me and tilts her head to the side and condescends, “Aw, you’re old,” as she sweetly smiles. Sure, she’ll always be younger than I so she can laugh. I am getting older, aren’t we all, but I don’t consider myself “old.” What is “old” anyway? A hundred years ago I’d be considered “old” at my age; but then again, life expectancy in 1900 was 47 years. Today, life expectancy is between 77 and 80 years. So, I’m far from “old.”
My youngest sister turned 36 years old yesterday. I couldn’t believe that until I added to her age the eight years that separate us then I thought, “Dang!” Of my four sisters and me, three of us are in our forties now. It’s funny to think of my youngest sister on the latter side of 30 because she’s somehow always 12 in my memory. I guess if she remains 12, I remain 20.
My mother died young; she was 54 years old when she died. Tomorrow (January 7) she’ll be gone sixteen years. She passed away not long after midnight on the seventh, so it often feels like it was still the sixth of January. I mention this because I find it quite meaningful that it seems like she died the day after my youngest sister turned 20 years old. We were all quite young when our mother began her decade and a half battle with cancer. Her main goal, her biggest wish through all those years, was to live long enough to get her children into adulthood. She succeeded. The baby of the family turned 20 and Mom lived to see it. Of course, she died too young and suffered much too much for too many years; but it wasn’t her illness or her suffering that concerned her, it was us, her children about which she thought and onto which she focused.
Perspective. I get annoyed with myself at times when I lose this perspective. The little inconveniences, financial hardships, my lack of tolerance and understanding of others at times are nothing compared to the hardships my mother endured. This year I will be four years older than my mother was when she was diagnosed with cancer. She held her head up proudly, she was never bitter or angry, she loved and as far as could be controlled her illness didn’t interfere with what was most important to her: being a mother.
I didn’t always have this perspective; for many years I was selfish and self-absorbed and wallowed in my own hurt and sadness. I didn’t see at the time how I was living directly in opposition to the example she’d set. Maybe it’s my age now, growing up and, yes even older, that has allowed me to see it all, the big picture. Not that I don’t miss my mother, I do every single day; but when once I thought being happy was a betrayal to her, I now understand that NOT living, NOT being happy is betraying her memory and everything she taught me and her unconditional, undying love which she gave to me.
Age and growing older has taught me these things: acceptance, understanding and love. That and feeling my mother’s presence in my life, her lessons and example; remembering her not with sadness and regret but with joy and love, for in the love and joy which she gave to me I am strengthened, empowered and inspired to give the same and feel it as well.
Life is a gift for which we should be thankful; all the good times as well as the bad times, the triumphs as well as the struggles and even aging with all the changes that come with it are reasons to celebrate. Celebrate and enjoy life and everyone in our lives; honor and respect those whom we love who are no longer with us physically but eternally with us spiritually.
That’s the thing about getting older; we continually learn and grow. My age doesn’t bother me anyway; I like my age, I like being my age. I just don’t like the cold anymore.
Joey
New Year Resolutions: Health and Happiness
Do you have your Christmas tree and decorations still up? Have you made New Year’s resolutions? All the excitement that goes into decorating becomes lethargy when it comes time to un-decorate. Resolutions are good ideas that usually don’t last very long into the New Year.
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, “this year I will do this or that.” Changing one’s life is a gradual process, not something that is decided to begin one day and then follows through. They are often difficult and at times uncomfortable.
The first important thing I did in 2008 was making an appointment with my doctor. For a few months now I’ve been backsliding feeling the anxiety, panic and depression that for so many years ruled and controlled my life until 2001. Then, through the intervention of family and friends, I saw a doctor and admitted the demons with which I’d been living; or which had been preventing me from living. He prescribed a medication and after a few months and adjustments to the dosage, I felt better and actually, I felt like I’d never felt in my whole life. Even colors looked different to me. It was a though I was seeing without a veil over my eyes for the first time in my life. The fears (however irrational) that had kept me mostly a prisoner in my home no longer threatened me. I felt more at ease with myself, and the world around me. I had the courage to be honest with myself about who I am. My homosexuality was no longer something that I hesitantly acknowledged about myself and ignored. I was able to embrace and love others and myself.
Nearly a year ago I quit taking that medication. Even though I feel it completely changed my life, I wanted not to depend on medication to be who I am and live my life. For a while, I thought I’d made the right decision. But we never really know, do we? I began struggling again with anxiety and depression again. I thought through 2007 since I stopped, since things seemed okay, that I was done with all of that. I guess not. It wasn't easy for me to admit that I've been going backward, but in the past few months I have been. I really thought I was done with all of that; I guess not.
I saw my doctor and he was very understanding and he acknowledged my effort to "go on my own" (my words, not his.) He acknowledged that this time (as opposed to 2001) I am able to recognize what's happening, and how I tried for so long, but sometimes a chemical imbalance in the brain... well, it is still mental illness, isn't it? Not so easy for me to accept about myself. Having been here before I know I've got another two or three weeks before any real results; I also know the side effects as well. My doctor was really great. I was (you can imagine) a bit humiliated asking for medication again (this is not the same doctor who prescribed for me the first time.) I told him about 2001 when I first started taking it. He said it was good that I was able recognize it before it became like back then. As much of a part of me as God is and my belief in Him is, I have condemned myself for my inability to stand strong. Am I not strong in the eye of God if I require medication to live my life; am I less of a person to others because of it? I don't know. What I do know is that my life was better and much fuller with love, while taking the medication. There is a history of depression and such in my family; but that doesn’t ease the stigma I feel, no matter how honestly I come by it. One of my sisters said to me, “I think you’re a stronger man because you know you need the medicine.”
I also scheduled my colonoscopy. Yes, it seems I’m on a three-year cycle, the first one when I was 41 years old, because of family history. My insurance initially denied the procedure due to my age (colonoscopies aren’t routinely recommended until the age of 50) until the doctor explained my family history; during that “screening” a few pre-cancerous polyps were removed. So, I have that to look forward to in the first week of February.
No, I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, silly promises that I know I’ll never keep. We should all see a new year as the time to make real changes in our lives; to grow, be healthy, happy and live responsibly.
Joey
Out-Look and Parenting Our Children
Is the glass half-full or half-empty? It’s actually BOTH. How we interpret is about attitude.
How DO we look at life? Do we concentrate more on what we don’t have than on what we actually do have? Do we spend our energy and emotions despairing over how much more someone else seems to have and resenting them? Do we dismiss our own blessings because they don’t seem to be as abundant as someone else’s?
If only we could all put everything into perspective and acknowledge what we DO have instead of lamenting about what we don’t have. Let’s face it, no amount of money someone has can inoculate against problems, troubles and hard-times. No amount of money can buy health, happiness and love. Too often we replace money in the place of responsibility; we consider wealth and good fortune as “the be all and end all” and therefore the answer to all of life’s problems. It’s not so.
As well, we tend to substitute money and gifts for devotion and love. As parents we tend to give our children things; we buy them whatever they want in order to alleviate our feelings of guilt for not being there for them as parents. Instead of being parents to our children, we choose to be “friends” with them; we decide it’s better to buy them off instead of being parents. We abdicate our responsibilities as parents by giving them everything but what they really need. A child does not need another friend; a child needs a parent. Our children need someone to discipline them; our children need someone to whom they can look up to teach them responsibility, honor, and respect; our children need devoted responsible adult supervision and guidance.
We may see the glass half-full when we indulge our youth and give to them and give in to them; but the glass is more than half-empty when we consider that as adults we are not fulfilling our duties as grown-up, responsible adults and parents. It’s only later that we will find ourselves faced with the consequences of our less than responsible parenting; we easily condemn others for the same, but when it happens to us we find ourselves confused and indignant.
The proverbial glass can only be half-full if we truly see what we have and honor our responsibilities.
“Go Out And Play” today is considered worse than a sentence of “hard labor” by today’s youth.
I again compare the “then” with the “now” and how things have changed. When I was in elementary school , there were “walkers” and “(bus) riders.” For the most part, the only students who rode the bus were the kids who lived "on the hill." The rest of us walked to and from school; many of us went home for lunch. Even during the winter months when the temperatures were in the teens and the snow was ankle-deep, we trudged our way through the “frozen tundra” to school. Our mothers dressed us in coat, hat, scarf, gloves and boots; it was rare that school was cancelled. Of course kids are kids and we may not have enjoyed this trek every morning but going to school was of utmost importance.
As children of the 1970s we were the “TV generation.” Sitting in front of the television set watching old reruns and game shows could have been the way we spent our time, but our parents especially our mothers had quite different ideas of how we would spend our time. During the summer, if I planned it right, I could see “Bewitched” four times a day. However, my mother saw things quite differently; she wasn’t about to look at the back of my head all day as I sat in front of the television. “Outside,” she commanded.
Oh, how mean she was, I thought at the time. Then outside with my friends I discovered it wasn’t just my mother at all; we were all shooed outside to play. And we did play. We played kickball, tag and a various assortment of games that we’d made up. Then came dinnertime; it was all our parents could do to bring us back into the house again to eat dinner. After dinner and our chores cleaning up and washing dishes, outside we ran again to play until the streetlights came on and we all then went home for the night.
During the school year wasn’t much different. We came home from school, changed our clothes and went outside to play before dinner. After dinner we did homework then bathed or showered and spent the evening in the company of the family watching evening TV like “Little House on the Prairie”, “The Waltons”, “The Bionic Woman”, “One Day At A Time”, “Happy Days” and other family fare before going off to bed at an age-appropriate time.
Kids today spend their time in front of computer screens or hand-held computer games. Much like we could have spent our time in front of the television. The difference is that our parents regulated the amount of time we sat in front of the screen and encouraged us to be outside. Tell a kid today to turn off the computer or put the game-boy away and go outside to play is like asking the kid to cut off a limb.
We wonder why our youth are out of shape, obese, unimaginative, uninterested and uninvolved; it’s because we as parents prefer to let them sit in front of a computer or play a computer game instead of encouraging them to go outside and play, get exercise, run and jump, make up their own games. We give them televisions for their bedrooms; we allow them access to their sedimentary indulgences that require no physical effort, aside from fingers and thumbs pressing buttons. We wonder why we don’t sit and spend time as a family.
We need not wonder why. It’s because we as parents don’t encourage, or make, our children go outside and play; we don’t insist that we spend time together as a family. We need not wonder why we don’t have closeness with our children; we need not wonder why we don’t know or understand our children. It’s because we as parents would rather see the backs of their heads while they play their computer games instead of actually dealing with them and doing our duty as parents.
In our world today, computer games and hand-held games are fun, things we never had; but they should not replace what children should do. That is playing outside and spending time with the family.
Joey
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