July 2007
GAY AT WORK
7/6/07
When it has come to others "finding out" that I'm gay, I've always said that I am the same person today after they "found out" as I was yesterday before they "found out."
I'VE NOT changed; what may have changed is THEIR PERCEPTION of me. I'm the same man; the same person; the same competent co-worker; the same friend; the same funny guy; the same Joey that I'd always been.
However, just the word "homosexual" can change some people. They have in their own minds an opinion of homosexuality; whether it's based on religion, society or fear.
How is it that a perfectly competent, respected person can become "persona non grata" when one's homosexuality becomes common knowledge by the same people who held that person in such high regard and esteem?
It's the "sexuality" in the word homosexuality that does it. Immediately they forget everything about THE PERSON. They focus on sex and what they have learned about homosexuality through religion or what the media has shown them "what homosexuality is."
Those who condemn another for being "different" from who they are and how they believe, all the while professing to be "religious", are hypocrites.
There are others, though, who may be "shocked" at first and withdraw without any intention of hurting another. They honestly "don't understand" and need a period of "regrouping." Different is different; most people are afraid of the unknown. Often, these people CAN leave "sexuality" out of it and see another for whom they are. They may still not understand the "sexuality" but they SEE the person.
There is too much focus and attention placed on the "sexuality." I am I. Does WHO I am change depending on whether I have sex with a man or a woman; or whether I have sex with anyone at all?
I could pontificate until I turn blue in the face. The fact is I cannot control the reactions of others.
It's a very fine line to walk. I'm myself always; I keep my private life private. I'd no sooner talk about my sex life than I'd want to hear about someone else's. I no more want to hear about the sexual intimacies of a coworker than I want to tell about my own; to me, that is just as inappropriate as sitting down at lunch and telling about the three polyps that were removed during a colonoscopy.
I know that being a gay man has NOTHING to do with my integrity as a man, the man I am; nor does it have anything to do with my qualifications for doing my job or my level of competence or success at my work. I also know that I cannot rely on everyone else "knowing" the same thing.
Is it a horrible struggle? Mostly not; but there are times when it can be. NOT sex; but wanting to share different parts of myself with those with whom I feel friendly. Struggling with "what" is more important: do I risk the good standing and respect that I’ve achieved in an effort to "be honest" about something that is really none of anyone else’s business?
Sure, I know that my being a gay man should have nothing to do with that. However, at my age and in my job, is it worth the risk at work? Yeah, we all like one another now, regardless of what they may think of my sexuality or me. Their unspoken thoughts are very different from my TELLING them. THAT confirmation could change everything; it may not (I'd really hope it wouldn't), but it could. Depending on the reaction, I could lose. In order to maintain the respect I’ve earned I must also show the same respect to others. Just as their private lives are none of my business, my private life is none of theirs. There is appropriateness and inappropriateness. In all fairness, that knife can cut both ways. It’s possible that too much personal information from a coworker could jeopardize my respect for him or her; as unfair as it may be to them, it’s the same thing.
The work place is a place for work first and foremost. I take my job seriously; I take my professional relationships seriously. In our "politically correct" environment these days, one simple and honest statement could not only cost one professional respect but also find one under investigation or in court for "harassment" sexual or otherwise. After all, if the telling of an off-color joke can land someone in court and persecuted as a "violator" of another’s civil rights, imagine how much worse it could be. Not just for any homosexual, or me but for ANYONE who "crosses the line" with open and honest admissions about oneself.
Is it fair? No, but as long as the "political correctness" and perceived violations to our "sensitivities" which now permeate our world and dictate our behavior, words and thoughts continue to pervade every part of our society, we have to deal with it. That goes for we homosexuals, as well. "Political homosexuals" and/or "militant homosexuals" who insist that everyone "come out" and be proud and tell everyone they are gay and take very loud and political stances against discrimination, seem to be all about "political correctness" but only as it applies to them. We cannot expect equal treatment if we aren’t willing to follow the same rules. What I mean is we can’t cry foul and discrimination and/or harassment because someone told a gay joke when all the while we are cramming our sexuality down everyone’s throat. (Sorry, no pun intended.)
We seriously cannot expect respect from others if we aren’t willing to respect others.
Privacy, MY privacy; I value my privacy. I'm a gay man whether I talk about my homosexuality or not, whether I have gay sex or not. At the same time, everyone is entitled to his or her own privacy. I can only be respected by showing respect the same toward others. My feelings, my life is no more important than anyone else’s.
Co-workers are NOT family. Co-workers are not necessarily friends. My family and friends know me; all about me. The same as I know them.
We cannot change the world; that idea is a fallacy. All we can do, through our lives and our example, is simply change one person’s thoughts and/or attitudes … one person at a time.
Political Corruption
7/13/07
You’ve got to be FREAKING kidding me!
The "Intelligence Identities Protection Act of 1982" states that anyone who "intentionally discloses any information identifying such covert agent to any individual not authorized to receive classified information, knowing that the information disclosed so identifies such covert agent and that the United States is taking affirmative measures to conceal such covert agent's intelligence relationship to the United States, shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both." The same penalties apply to "disclosure of information by persons who learn identity of covert agents as result of having access to classified information…" as well as "Disclosure of information by persons in course of pattern of activities intended to identify and expose covert agents Whoever, in the course of a pattern of activities intended to identify and expose covert agents and with reason to believe that such activities would impair or impede the foreign intelligence activities of the United States…" The penalties for violating this law is "Up to 10 years in prison and/or fine if the disclosure is made using classified documents that reveal the identity of a covert agent; Up to 5 years in prison and/or fine if the person making the disclosure learns the identity of a covert agent from having had access to classified information, but not from classified information that specifically identifies the agent; Up to 3 years in prison and/or fine if the person making the disclosure is engaged in a "pattern of activities" intended to expose a covert agent." (50 U.S.C. 421- 426)
FEDERAL law.
Former Vice Presidential chief of staff I. Lewis Libby was convicted on two counts of perjury, one count of obstruction of justice and one count of making false statements to federal investigators and sentenced to 30 months in jail and a $250,000 fine; with a two-year probationary period at the end of his jail time. Convicted in court by a jury.
President Bush has "commuted" the prison sentence, but did nothing about the $250,000 fine and probabtion, "citing the need for some accountability."
So apparently, Libby is accountable; but only SOMEwhat accountable. He broke the law; but he didn’t really BREAK it, he merely BENT it. He is guilty, he was found guilty; however, he should be punished and take accountability, but only SOME accountability.
Oh, if only every criminal could have the intervention of the Oval Office! Come on, ask anyone found guilty of a crime and they will say the punishment is just too "severe." Martha Stewart really could have used you; where were you with your "commuted sentencing" pen with any number of criminals were sentenced and serving their terms? Okay, some felonies are "worse" than others; some require accountability while others require only SOME accountability.
We wonder why there is a problem in our country. Those in charge play fast and loose with the rules, the laws. Of course, the rules as they see to play by. THEY will deem who is above the law and who must abide by the law; those who should be excepted from the law and those who should be punished.
The majority of us watch incredulous. We watch as our government officials do things that surprise us, astonish us, repel us, discourage us and cause us to lose faith in "for the people by the people." Politics and the politicians show all the insincerity for the people who elected them; the blatant disregard for the laws of the country and even worse the American people who believed in them to represent our beliefs and us. WE lose; politicians don’t, they are only looking forward to the next election or getting out unscathed by history.
It’s true what is said: Popularity breeds contempt and power breeds corruption.
The Catholic Church, Priests and Celibacy
7/20/07
Catholic priests are required to be celibate. They have been for as long as any of us remember.
Many wonder and ask "WHY?"
In the early years of Christianity and later in Catholicism, I think it was essential for the leaders of our Spirituality and especially Catholicism to be MORE than the followers.
Priests and Nuns were always considered not of the same as we were. They were of God, we were just people.
The Second Vatican Council, ending in 1965, changed Catholicism. Instead of "non-Catholics going to "straight to Hell," the Council teaches that God wills to save people not just as individuals but as a people … " "All human beings are called to belong to the Church. Not all are fully incorporated into the Church, but "the Church knows that she is joined in many ways to the baptized who are honored by the name of Christ, but who do not however profess the Catholic faith in its entirety or have not preserved unity or communion under the successor of Peter" (Lumen Gentium, 15) and even with "those who have not yet received the Gospel," among whom Jews and Muslims are explicitly mentioned (Lumen Gentium, 16)." So, many Catholics who were taught that anyone non-Catholic were damned to Hell were faced with the fact that non-Catholic Christians were as well loved by Jesus Christ and "are joined in the name of Christ;" therefore, NOT damned to Hell for NOT being Catholic.
Vatican Two also allowed the change in Mass. No longer was the Priest, his back to parishoners speaking in Latin; parishoner participation and celebrating Mass in English (in the United States at least) with the Priest facing his congregation brought an even deeper meaning to Mass.
Many, many years have passed. At one time, as I said, it may have been important for people to see Priests as holier and the connection to Jesus and God. Those days are gone.
Being taught that God is my Father, Jesus is my brother; how many of us Catholics really need or feel that the priest is closer to God than we are? I’m not in any way denying or insulting or demeaning the devotion and commitment to the Church that any priest has.
The fact is that priests and nuns are in awfully short supply in our Catholic Church.
We DO want and need leaders in our spirituality; we also want and need those leaders to understand us. THIS is, more than anything else, the point. How can someone give advice to someone else if he has no experience with the question, life and/or experience that is being asked of him?
We no longer need to see our Priests as the earthly Jesus; more pure and holy; WE know they are men; real people who have a sincere devotion to God and a want to teach and lead others toward His path. What we need most is to know that the Priest knows and understands US; spiritual leaders who not only tell us God’s Word, but can also sympathize and empathize with our lives.
The demands of the Catholic Church are what are not only driving away parishioners; it’s what is driving away priests and nuns. Frankly, the lack of new priests and nuns in the Catholic Church is it’s own fault.
We don’t live in the 16th Century anymore; we haven’t for a long time now. It’s time for the Catholic Church to acknowledge this and act accordingly.
In the past week, Catholic Pope Benedict XVI seems to be trying to undo Vatican Two and put Catholics back into the 16th Century. He is correcting, "…what he says are erroneous interpretations of the Second Vatican Council, the 1962-1965 meetings that modernized the church." He revived the old Latin Mass. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing as long as it doesn’t replace the New Mass in the vernacular completely. If a Catholic parish wishes to have a Mass in Latin in the old tradition for its parishioners, that is all fine and good (providing, of course, there is a priest that KNOWS Latin and the ceremony that goes along with the Old Mass which is VERY different from what post-Vatican Two Catholics know and understand.) However should it replace New Mass, as Catholics have known it for over forty years, many Catholics will begin to feel alienated once again by the Catholic Church.
More disturbing is Pope Benedict XVI’s comments about the Catholic Church and other denominations "Other Christian communities are either defective or not true churches and Catholicism provides the only true path to salvation." "Christ 'established here on earth' only one church," said the document released. "The other communities "cannot be called 'churches' in the proper sense" because they do not have apostolic succession - the ability to trace their bishops back to Christ's original apostles - and therefore their priestly ordinations are not valid", it said.
Jesus Christ, and through the Apostles, established Christianity here on earth. Christianity is based on the teachings of Jesus Christ as told in the New Testament. If one reads the New Testament, never once is "the Catholic Church" mentioned. Early Christian leaders, with the help of political leaders, established the Catholic Church. The Church designated itself as the "one, true Church." As such, the Church persecuted those they deemed "nonbelievers." What began as Christianity, the spiritual belief in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, learning from His lessons and living by His example became about power and politics when the Catholic Church deemed itself the "one true Church."
Ironically, the definition of catholic is "comprehensive, universal; broad in sympathies, tastes, or interests."
The Catholic Church fails in this definition. As a young boy growing up as a devout Catholic, I was dismayed and frightened for my non-Catholic friends because I was told they were going to Hell. So much for "broad in sympathies, tastes or interests," huh? Later, the Church changed its mind about sending non-Catholics immediately to Hell. I felt better about the Church’s judgment against non-Catholics, but I wondered about all those who had been sent to Hell before the Church changed its mind.
Our current Pope is now invalidating everyone who is non-Catholic. I don’t know that the Holy See is sending non-Catholics to Hell again, but he certainly seems to be standing in judgment. I do think the Catholic Church doesn’t live by the teachings of Jesus Christ so much. The Church seems to be more intent on its own dogma and its perceived political standing than it is on Christianity and what Jesus taught us.
For example:
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
Matthew 7:3
You are those who justify yourselves; for what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God.
Luke 16:15
In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:
A righteous man perishing in his righteousness,
And a wicked man living long in his wickedness.
Do not be overrighteous,
Neither be overwise—
Why destroy yourself?
Do not be overwicked,
And do not be a fool—
Why die before your time?
It is good to grasp the one
And not let go of the other,
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.
Ecclesiastes 7: 15-18
Now all has been heard;
Here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
For this is the whole duty of man.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
Including every hidden thing,
Whether it is good or evil.
Ecclesiastes 12: 13-14
Judge not, that you be not judged.
Matthew 7:1
Woe to you, pharisees! for you tithe mint and rue and every herb, and neglect justice and the love of God.
Luke 11:42
I’ve not lost the devout boy I was; after my disillusionment with "religion" I went back to The Bible, where Jesus taught me patience, acceptance, forgiveness. I’d much rather live as a Christian according to the teachings and life of Jesus Christ than I would as dictated to by an "organized religion" that seems to have either forgotten or just disregards what the Son of God came to this earth to teach us and save us.
Maybe I am a "lapsed Catholic." But even if I am, I AM a Christian. I do my best to live my life according to the Ten Commandments and the lessons taught by Jesus Christ. Does God really care if I eat meat on Friday? Do I need a priest, "a middle-man," in order to confess my sins? If I’m an "abomination" to The Church, I really cannot fit in anyway. However, I know I’m not in the eyes of my God and Savior.
My love through song lyrics
7/27/07
"Maybe I'm old fashioned feeling as I do.
Maybe I'm just living in the past,
But when I meet the right one, I know I'll be true.
My first love will be my last.
When I fall in love
It will be forever.
Or I'll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.
When I give my heart
It will be completely.
Or I'll never give my heart.
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.
Lovers, partners; couples; sometimes I envy them. So, what do I do? I put on a CD of The Carpenter’s "Love Songs." Torture and a glutton for punishment, I guess. Karen’s amazingly beautiful and haunting voice is only part; the lyrics, THE WORDS (pronouns notwithstanding), of these songs (emotions, heartache, loneliness, hope, dreams) can tell MY LOVE STORY:
There was a man
A lonely man
Who lost his love
Through his indifference
A heart that cared
That went unshared
Until it died
Within his silence
And solitare's the only game in town
And every road that takes him
Takes him down
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love
It always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
A little hope
Goes up in smoke
Just how it goes
Goes without saying
There was a man
A lonely man
Who would command
The hand he's playing
And solitare's the only game in town
And every road that takes him
Takes him down
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love
It always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
And solitare's the only game in town
And every road that takes him
Takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
Every night, every day,
you're the one I always dream of.
Every line of your face is sketched so plain inside my heart.
You've grown so deep inside of me.
You're everything I feel and see,
and you're the one, you're the one I love.
All my life, all my love,
I can feel when you're beside me.
All that's right, all that's wrong
suddenly becomes so clear.
My heart has overtaken me
with feelings you awake in me,
and you're the one,
you're the one I love.
Only you could move me enough to believe
in love one more time.
All I need to know for tomorrow
is that you're mine,
mine for a lifetime.
If our friends all around
find it hard to understand us,
you and I understand
the other one so very well.
And that's what I've been looking for,
so I keep coming back for more,
'cause you're the one,
you're the one I love.
You're the one,
you're the one I love.
After long enough of being alone
Everyone must face their share of loneliness
In my own time nobody knew
The pain I was goin' through
And waitin' was all my heart could do
Hope was all I had until you came
Maybe you can't see how much you mean to me
You were the dawn breaking the night
The promise of morning light
Filling the world surrounding me
When I hold you
Baby, baby, feels like maybe, things will be all right
Baby, baby, your love's made me
Free as a song, singin' forever
Only yesterday when I was sad and I was lonely
You showed me the way to leave the past and all its tears behind me
Tomorrow maybe even brighter than today
Since I threw my sadness away
Only yesterday
I have found my home here in your arms
Nowhere else on earth I'd really rather be
Life waits for us, share it with me
The best is about to be
So much is left for us to see
When I hold you
Baby, baby, feels like maybe, things will be all right
Baby, baby, your love's made me
Free as a song, singin' forever
Only yesterday when I was sad and I was lonely
You showed me the way to leave the past and all its tears behind me
Tomorrow maybe even brighter than today
Since I threw my sadness away
Only yesterday
Day after day I must face a world of strangers
Where I don't belong, I'm not that strong
It's nice to know that there's someone I can turn to
Who will always care, you're always there
When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you
So many times when the city seems to be without a friendly face
A lonely place
It's nice to know that you'll be there if I need you
And you'll always smile, it's all worthwhile
When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you
Touch me and I end up singing
Troubles seem to up and disappear
You touch me with the love you're bringing
I can't really lose when you're near
If all my friends have forgotten half their promises
They're not unkind, just hard to find
One look at you and I know that I could learn to live
Without the rest, I found the best
When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you
When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you
Are we really happy with
This lonely game we play
Looking for the right words to say
Searching, but not finding
Understanding anyway
We’re lost in this masquerade.
Both afraid to say
We’re just too far away
From being close together
From the start
We tried to talk it over,
But the words got in the way
We’re lost inside this lonely game we play.
Thoughts of leaving disappear
Each time I see your eyes
And no matter how hard I try
To understand the reason
Why we carry on this way
And we’re lost in this masquerade.
Autumn days lying on a bed of leaves
Watching clouds up thru the trees
You said our love was more than time
It’s colder now
The trees are bare and nights are long
I can’t get warm since you’ve been gone
And I can’t top singin’ sad songs
Where do I go from here?
Tell me where do I go from here?
You said you’d take me thru the years
So where do I go from here?
Lover’s plans.
Like falling leaves on windy days
Flutter past and they fly away
I thought I knew you oh so well
And I need you now
I need to feel you in the night
I need your smile so warm and bright
I wish my mind could let you go.
Where do I go from here?
Tell me where do I go from here?
You said you’d take me thru the years
So where do I go from here?
Such beautiful music and words. However, the one song that DEFINES me the most is this one:
I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it.
So I've made my mind up I must live
my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love.
There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
I've been wrong
But for now this is my song.
And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love.
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